Friday, October 07, 2011

Obama Goes After Starbucks

Rising commodity prices are taking their toll on all kinds of manufacturers, but the latest news that Starbucks will be raising prices anywhere from five cents to a quarter per cup of "joe" has customers really worked up.

Some coffee lovers are even asking for a consumer coffee protection agency to prevent this kind of predatory pricing. They want the government to act right now. One latte lover who asked not be identified said, "I can't live without my coffee. It is completely unfair for Starbucks or any other coffee shop to just raise prices whenever they want to."

President Obama even got into the fray. While clutching a caramel macchiato with both hands, he said, "Starbucks doesn't have some inherent right just to get a certain amount of profit." He urged Congress to immediately pass legislation that would require fully transparent coffee pricing and limit by how much any coffee brewer could increase prices. He said consumers need to know exactly how much money they are paying for their coffee.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz defended his company. He insisted that Starbucks is already very transparent in its pricing. He said, "Every purchase is rung up on a state-of-the-art cash register. Each customer is told exactly how much he or she must fork over for our coffee. If they don't like it, they can drink that stuff from the diner down the street." Furthermore, in a complete rebuff to the President, Schultz insisted, "We at Starbucks believe we do have a right to make a profit!"

When informed of Schultz's remarks, President Obama admitted that he doesn't actually buy his own coffee anyway. "Joe Biden usually picks it up for me on the way to the office every morning."

Note to readers: In case you lack a sense of humor, this blog post was completely fabricated from my own imagination.